what on earth are these people thinking...

Phone call 1:

X: Hi there can i speak to ABC
Me: I'm sorry, she's outstation
X: she's where?
Me: She's outstation
X:....uh where's that?
Me:?!? Uh she's overseas?
X: Oohhh!!!ok ok...i'll call back thanks

Phone call 2:
X: Hi there can i speak to ABC
Me: Sorry she's in the toilet
X: What's she doin there?
Me: ??I don't know and i don't really care
X: How long would she take?
Me: Look i dunno if she's doin no. 1 or no. 2 but if you could kindly call back later...
X: Okay can but how long later u think i shld call
Me: For as long as you can stay alive? *cough* uh i mean you roughly gauge give a bit more time...
X: ok sure!thanks!

At a handphone pouch shop...

Marder: Hi there do u have a pouch that can close securely and won't allow water to enter?
X: You bring your camera out in the rain?
Marder: #@*()#&$*&)!*)(!@8*

*disclaimer* my marder not so vulgar..haha

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU…

Haha although it didn’t happen to me but to a fren of mine but can you pls use some common sense!

This is really retardedly funny! You gave the door a few tugs at least for a gd 3 mins and eventually won the tug of war. You opened it only to face someone with their pants to their ankle and trying their best to pee pissfully and then everything starts to get awkward as you stood there thinking that if you stared long enough, the person might just vanish. But reality hits you and you realise that that’s not going to happen and then you started to feel embarrass…ok so will you leave already?

Retardation level = 6 (ok not entirely your fault ‘coz the other person shld have jus shouted for help when you attempted to open the door haha)

Day = 9 No. of retards = 4

I must say that this story cracks me up actually so plus point to the retard!

Are you in a hurry?

It puzzles me aplenty when one thinks that by pushing the person in front of you the queue will somehow be faster.

No seriously…what do you think will happen?

It’s not as if

1) The person at the counter will speak faster so as to prevent any pushing from the crowd..to begin with I don’t even think the person is even aware of your action..

2) The people in front of me will suddenly run away for fear of you pushing them as well

3) I will move away or be intimidated and disappear into thin air

However, if I wasn’t from a well brought up family, I would

1) Turn around and push you back

2) Push the person in front of me and tell her that you did it

3) Tell the whole world that you’re not only pushing me, but you’re pushing drugs as well..*ok lame*

4) Call the police

5) Tell my mother…haha not!

Come on really we’re also in the queue, it’s not as if I’m any faster, I’m just one person ahead of you. So let’s make it a happy experience and keep to your own space…But since you decided to push non stop when the queue is in motion and when the queue is standing still..you’re hereby sentenced to being A RETARD

Retardation Level = 8 (plus point if you were grumbling extra point as it cause irritation)

Day = 9 No. of retards = 3

Where's my customer service...

if i were just a stranger on the street who had just misplaced my passport, I would think a normal human bean would be a bit more helpful, a bit more concern...wouldn't u be a bit more compassionate and try to help me or at least pretend since u're uh what they call a

.............LOST AND FOUND COUNTER.........................

Convo between me (M) and counter lady (V)

*the conversation have been slightly altered to keep it short and sweet but the geist of the story remains the same....steel...

M: Hi, I just arrived from Chennai and might have lost my passport at terminal 2.
V: What number did you call?
M: uh is this not lost and found counter in Terminal 2 , Changi airport?
V: Yes that is corright...but what number did you call?
M: Huh? Does it matter...ah nmind 1800 55 uh sumthing....on your website
V: 553 9792? Yes that's correct this is our number....

M:...........

M: uh ok so yes did anyone return any passport?
V: What passport is it?
M: Australian Passport
V: Let me check..(2 secs) Nope!

M: ...........

M: ok well in that case if anyone finds and passes you a passport could you give me a call?
V: Well mam, we've 5 counters so i think it's best if you call and check yourself.
M: I'm sorry?You've 5 lost and found counters?
V: Uh no mam i meant 5 belts to check...
M: and only one lost and found counter right?
V: Yes that's right....

M: *thinks in head* God please grant me patience and let me speak nicely to this lady for she knows not what she's doin..or saying...

M: ok, so if u're the only lost and found counter, then people would pass all lost items to u..right?
V: You're absolutely correct!
M:....uh okay then in that case, if a passport comes up could u jus call me back?
V: No mam:) Because we might be a little too busy, best if you keep in touch with us to check

M: Has anyone return you a passport?
V: No mam:)
M: Has anyone returned you anything?
V: No mam:)

......and u're busy?!?

M: ok fine..i'll call to check, BUT JUST IN CASE YOU DO FIND ANYTHING COULD YOU JUS LET ME KNOW...
V: yes of 'coz mam..no problem but best if you keep in touch with us to check...


......do you have a script?

M: ok:) Thank you
V: gd bye and have a nice day

.....i was...until you came along...and i think u jus ruined it....

I don't mean to be rude...but let's hear it...you are a RETARD!!

RETARDATION SCALE = 8!! (Plus point because ur english sounds a little bad)

So that brings DAY 2 , RETARDS = 2

patience is a virtue...

It puzzles me how some people can be so thick skin and sit in an enclosed place filled with strangers who’re having an ongoing game of tennis….

To begin with one do not

1) come in 10 mins before your court booking time

2) Push all the existing players’ things aside and plomp right down on the bench

3) Look at your watch countless times making it seem like the other players are overplaying into your court time

4) Stare unhappily at the game that’s goin on…

A simple action like that has in return caused…

1) the players to feel uneasy and thus not performing to standard

2) the players feel bad thinking they’re in the wrong

3) the players rushing to hit their shots thinking that if they hit faster, time will pass faster

4) the players to end their game early….

And after a short while, after I decided to cut short a few mins of my game and while packing, you then proceed to

1) Say how we can carry on because your hitting partner is not here yet…

2) Walk outside but continue to stare outside the fence….

Which in return proves that you’re indeed a RETARD!!

RETARDATION SCALE = 8!!(I’m sorry I don’t have patience for anyone who tries to cut my tennis game!*or anyone w a stupid face bleah)

So that brings DAY 1 , RETARDS = 1

What is a Retard?

...in this life, i've called many human beans a retard..but what is a retard exactly?

A retard can make one feel exasperated, confused, puzzled, irritated, angry, upset, blah and the list goes on...at times they are even capable of making you laugh..A retard can be used to describe a stranger, a colleague, a client, a salesperson and your loved ones (some times)...but what makes one a qualified retard?

Today, I was faced with 3 retards (at least to me i think so) and thus i decided to begin the quest of seeing how many retards (to my standard) i can meet in 1 year..and why i chose to start today..bcuz it's 9/11 and when you face a retard somebody shld call 911....

but first WHAT IS A RETARD?

I searched online and found a few pretty interesting definition of a retard..

A retard is...

1. Someone who was dropped on their head when he/she was a baby.
eg:

You: I got dropped on my head when I was 6 months old.
Me: You're a retard.

2. when someone is fucked up
eg:

Katie doesn't know how to fuckin talk or speak or walk there for Grannell is a retard

3. What i am
eg:
Be kind to me, I'm a retard. This guy is really a retard for saying this...

4.adj. retarded, excessively stupid, tending to disregard common sense.
eg:

"He's the kind of kid who takes a hit of weed and decides to act all retard."

"That sonofabitch is driving all retard."

and ultimately the one i like is....

5: Somebody who isn't YOU.

eg:
"I would never have acted the way he/she did...why would they do that the spastic retard!"

so there you have it you can have your own meaning to what a retard means but i think ultimately, it's 'coz the person isn't behaving like me (which might not be normal to all) and therefore to me they're retards..and somehow life is full of "them" ..so instead of lashing it out of them i shall jus pen out all the diff kind of retards that exist so that in future, my grandchildren will learn be able to identify such creatures and stay away from them!!

It's Day 1. No. of retards = 0 for now....